most of you think that i am a teacher by trade. i do get paid to teach, but this year it seems i did not receive the correct job description. it should have read...
show up at 715 unlock single wide trailer and get familiar with a pungent and untraceable odor
drink one nalgene bottle of black coffee (better hurry it gets cold by 743)
750 listen to parapro's golden corral experience
800 begin teaching social skills to those who skillfully say fu to social norms
819 if lucky, receive first cursing of the blessed morn
820 if lucky, remain calm, clear headed and positive ( chant to self, i can make a difference )
823 make mental note, perhaps a lesson on mercy, forgiveness... sanctification?
830 intro to lesson complete, coax "sons of liberty" into working for "the man" (that's me)
937 social skills class is complete. dismiss and escort 3 of your students to next class (dont let them cuss any other teachers, we pay you to listen to that)
944 biology... the study of life... convince children that yes we are alive, and yes, its worth living
950 continue brainstorming grand reason for improving their lives
952 remember, dont make those glorious reason sound cheesy, make them applicable and personal hint: if you catch yourself sounding like mr. rogers prepare your virgin ears for a colorful medley of slang and fu's
1000 set cruise control to "i think this is working"
1005 dont get confortable little johnny's staring at his own phlegm through a compound microscope
1102 pray someone made coffee in the lounge
1113 escort posse back to trailer, sprint to lounge
1120 us history
1121 for next hour discuss why it is important to learn about our history (do this step everyday)
1221 begin lesson
1225 review policy on cussing
1227 take would be cusser outside of trailer, call mother, call god, call taxi?
1256 take those cussers to get lunch, make them eat with you in your trailer
110 read news and blogs, sit in almost complete silence
129 math
130 now that the children have eaten their first meal in 24 hours expect energy!
133 attempt to direct that energy towards the most exciting and relevant math possible
150 after failing miserably for the last 17 minutes remember, last years teacher never taught math for more than 8 minutes during this hr and a half
151 and remember still, no one has ever returned to teach these children
155 be thankful you only signed a one year contract
200 call agent, opt out of second year deal
300 children thank me, tell me "have a good night"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment